How Confucius’s opening words decode our struggles with social media, loneliness and the hunger for validation

Today, we are all hyper connected through technology. Websites, social media, text messages, video calls, online games, and etc, all have linked the continents closer than ever. Yet, there is a growing threat that all these connectivities have left us feeling more isolated. As we relentlessly scroll mobile phones, anxiety creeps in.

Moreover, blogs, podcasts and various forums or groups have given voices to everyone. Technology acts like a megaphone, broadcasting our opinions and experiences to the world. And we want “likes”, “saves” and “views”, something that tells us that we matter. But, as we chase digital applause, we are often grappling with fear that we really don’t matter.

This is the reason that I am introducing the first few lines in The Analects of Confucius, which can quell some anxiety and bring some tranquility to troubled minds. 

“To learn and to practice what is learned time and again, is it not a pleasure?”

This sentence offers antidote for addictions to “speed”.

Let’s break it down.

说: This character was often used for 悦 (yuè) in classical texts. The meaning is joy, a sustained happiness in one’s heart, conveying a sense of delight or satisfaction.

This joy or happiness comes from 学 and 习, meaning “study” and “practice” respectively. We “study” something first, then “practice” what we have studied. If we feel we have made progress, or we feel that we have achieved a deeper understanding, or simply we are able to apply what we have studied in real life, we are happy. Then we go back to “study”. The cycle continues.

This is a slow process, consistently learning and applying what one has learned.

It is a tremendously slow process, compared to taking in vast amount of information on our phone in a few minutes. We scroll, “like”, “save”, and move on. We are being stimulated constantly. This is speed. But we rarely, if ever, put something we have learned from scrolling into practice. We are often tired after two hours of sticking to a screen. We never congratulate ourselves, saying that it is a good scroll. What we gain is an illusion of “learning”, and what we lose is a steadfast happiness from truly bettering ourselves.

At a time when the technology is designed to capturing people’s ever shortened attentions, it will be a defiant move if we can concentrate fully on learning something and practicing it, and if we can integrate this slow process into our lives. The reward is we get ourselves back, and experience a long lasting happiness and deep seated confidence.

“Is it not a pleasure to have friends come from afar?”

This sentence offers antidote for illusions of “linking”.

乐 (lè): Happy or pleasure. Different from the previous 悦, it indicates a type of happiness that is shared. It comes from high quality, well prepared, and real interactions with friends.

远方: Far way places. This word indicates that this gathering with friends is precious and hard to come by.

Nowadays, we have hundreds of “friends” who we know through different kinds of “links”. Our interactions with them are often non-synchronised, fragmented, and nonverbal (just emojis or memes). These “linking” do not bring us the real happiness, 乐, which emphasises a kind of happiness that comes from concrete, on site, focused social interactions.

However, even though online “linking” hardly ever provide us what we truly desire, we can not help but continue to be submerged in this type of low quality “linking”. 

Recognising this illusion can save us from sinking further, and give us courage to do what is needed to wean ourselves from all the “friends”, and turn to real people who we enjoy to be connected with.

“To not be resentful when others do not understand you, is this not the mark of a virtuous person?”

This sentence offers antidote for validation “anxiety”.

愠: Refers to resentment or anger.

不愠: It is an internal stability and tranquility. It indicates that our value originates from within, not relying on “acknowledgments” from other people. 

君子: Denotes a person of moral excellence.

We live in an attention economy, and we want our online posts to have enough “likes” or “views” or feedbacks, such as “emojis”. A high number of these “likes” and etc will make us feel that we are validated. A lack of attention can cause us to doubt our values as ourselves. In short, we let internet to confirm or to destroy us.

Confucius told people then, and is still telling us now, that we have control over ourselves and we can self-cultivate to become a virtuous person. Our value does not depend on external acknowledgement. It comes from doing something that we think is right. If nobody applause us, or nobody appreciate oue qualities, it is all right. Our values are still there and we retain our inner tranquility.

Although technology is moving so fast, these opening lines from The Analects of Confucius tell us that our yearnings have not changed for thousands of years.

Confucius used 悦, 乐, 不愠 to describe someone who has healthy enquiries, enjoys friendly relationships, and is emotionally sufficient. These qualities have mapped a clear path for us to counter addiction to “speed”, illusions of “linking”, and validation “anxiety”. 

These few lines speak wisdoms for individuals. They do not ask us to become perfect, but only invite us to study, to practice, to experience long lasting happiness, to enjoy friendship, and to remain tranquility when nobody applauds us.

This is real treasure that belongs to everyone. It teaches us that we call can do something to improve ourselves, such as, focusing on learning something, spending time with someone, or ignoring “likes” on your posts. This will be a Confucian moment, that will enrich us in the most fundamental way.

This article is part of an e-course, The Self: 5 Lessons from Confucius for Cultivating Inner Peace in a Noisy World, which uses quotes from The Analects to help us anchor and develop ourselves in the fluctuating digital world.

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